“If it’s meant to happen, it’s going to happen.”
Ethan and I were walking downtown together. It was quiet for a while.
“So last night…” I said feeling like I was reliving what happened with Carter.
“Last night. I wasn’t planning that. Plus I figured you could possibly have flashbacks to what happened with Carter…” Ethan explained.
“How did you know I would have flashbacks?” I asked because I did.
“Just a guess since Carter was your first physical experience with a guy,” Ethan explained.
“Oh, okay…” I said.
Ethan and I were quite new to the whole romance thing shall we say. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship or really dated. You all might think, “Oh that’s so cute!” but no. I mean, I thought it was sweet at one time, but after a while…it wasn’t so sweet.
By the end of our walk ‘n talk, we…well I don’t know where we left it off. All we knew was we liked each other, obviously. Ethan and I agreed that we went too fast, and that wasn’t going to happen again. But who were we kidding, right?
Two nights later what happens? I stayed over his dorm again… plus we went farther! Ever heard of self-control? Well we had none.
Hey, it was our first time being physical. We were figuring out that it was hard to control… And let’s just say we really jumped around the bases. We went to third before first. Like…what the fuck! Aren’t you supposed to kiss before doing anything else? Yeah… we were newbs.
I would love to say we learned, but nope. First relationships…oh the wonderfully awkward ups and downs with a side of confusion. Seriously, if I said I wasn’t confused at least half the time, well, I’d be lying, and I really hate lying. Here was what I wrote in my journal once I got back to my room.
2/3/13 (Sunday)
It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced…So… Apparently Ethan was going to ask me out. When/how, I don't know…I'm just glad he is going to! Also Ethan texted Bill that he wants to slow down physically which is a relief! I just don’t want to do anything else until I know Ethan and I are going to be in a relationship.
Later that day…
So Ethan and I made it official…quite unromantically, which makes it seem like nothings changed. So as of now we are BF & GF and he is taking me out to dinner one weekend, and he wants to slow down physically.
Evening…
So I talked to Ethan… I talked a lot but Ethan was pretty silent, he said he’s been closed recently…with time he will open up. Anyways, talking helped, but I kind of want to run. Just because running is easier than getting close to someone and having them break your heart. Not that Ethan will…but you know what I mean!
How cute am I? No, I was a complete Idiot! God look at me, freaking predicting the inevitable. Remember this: NOTHING lasts forever. It might save your heart, so seriously remember that before you dare entering a relationship. Always protect your heart.
I call myself an idiot because over the years, well, my hearts been torn out, ripped, sliced, stomped on, and just plain shot through. It’s been hell trying to put all the pieces back together, so you would assume I wouldn’t dare let my heart be open to that again. I thought the same thing, but what sucked was you had no control over feeling something for someone.
Things were awkward and strained to say the least between Ethan and I after having been to…what third base? Or second base? Well, everyone has different definitions of the bases so…I guess that doesn’t help. But hey! I can’t be the blame since he offered.
So being the brilliant person I was, I invited him to play soccer with Debra, Daniel and I after classes on Wednesday. I figured that maybe having fun outside the bedroom would help. I mean, I would prefer it… well, prefer was a bit strong, I won’t lie that the other stuff was exciting… but yes I agreed on slowing down.
Playing soccer was quite entertaining. Ethan sucked. Not going to lie. But it was…cute. Daniel was a pro at soccer and watching Ethan try to even keep up was adorable. Daniel had magic feet as he did all these tricks, weaving in and out between us all and scoring.
Though, Ethan did have this one good moment. I was in goal, and Ethan was trying to shoot, and I blocked it, but hell it hurt. But I didn’t realize the pain until the adrenaline of the game was over.
I used this opportunity to get closer to Ethan. I limped because well it really did hurt to walk on. Ethan sped up because I could barley keep up while walking at a normal pace, and I used that opportunity to link arms with Ethan. The best part was Ethan agreed to play again with us! It meant we could spend time together and have fun memories.
The next day I went to dinner with Ethan and Bill. It was a nice dinner, for someone with an eating disorder, that is.
I admit to having an eating disorder. It's anorexia. I restrict on eating and I would drink lots of coffee or take laxatives. I don’t take laxatives anymore. I do restrict though. I’ve restricted for two and a half years now. I was just in denial up until now, until I met Ethan.
Both of them didn’t quite understand it. I didn’t expect them to. In fact, I barely understood it at the time. But I had two slices of pizza and then they made me an ice cream float. I don’t believe that night I actually felt guilty for it, which was a good thing.
Walking back to the dorms, Ethan and I stopped in the convenience store, which was on the first floor of the dorms right before you hit the courtyard. Entering, Ethan and I saw a Twix bar and he bought it so he could pull it out when things got awkward.
I hugged Ethan before we parted ways, and I bumped into Steve, and called Ethan back so I could introduce them.
“Steve, this is my boyfriend Ethan,” I practically squealed.
“Boyfriend? Nice to meet you,” Steve said holding out his hand.
Steve said boyfriend in a questioning way because ironically a couple nights before I met Ethan I told Steve I never wanted to date or be in a relationship or I wouldn’t be in one for a long time because I had lost faith in guys.
Things were going great as of late. Ethan and I were awesome, awkward, but awesome. Classes were going smoothly. Friends, better than ever. First time in my life where everything seemed to be going my way.
There will be more explanation on the Anorexia, just wait.
XOXO Anna
“So last night…” I said feeling like I was reliving what happened with Carter.
“Last night. I wasn’t planning that. Plus I figured you could possibly have flashbacks to what happened with Carter…” Ethan explained.
“How did you know I would have flashbacks?” I asked because I did.
“Just a guess since Carter was your first physical experience with a guy,” Ethan explained.
“Oh, okay…” I said.
Ethan and I were quite new to the whole romance thing shall we say. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship or really dated. You all might think, “Oh that’s so cute!” but no. I mean, I thought it was sweet at one time, but after a while…it wasn’t so sweet.
By the end of our walk ‘n talk, we…well I don’t know where we left it off. All we knew was we liked each other, obviously. Ethan and I agreed that we went too fast, and that wasn’t going to happen again. But who were we kidding, right?
Two nights later what happens? I stayed over his dorm again… plus we went farther! Ever heard of self-control? Well we had none.
Hey, it was our first time being physical. We were figuring out that it was hard to control… And let’s just say we really jumped around the bases. We went to third before first. Like…what the fuck! Aren’t you supposed to kiss before doing anything else? Yeah… we were newbs.
I would love to say we learned, but nope. First relationships…oh the wonderfully awkward ups and downs with a side of confusion. Seriously, if I said I wasn’t confused at least half the time, well, I’d be lying, and I really hate lying. Here was what I wrote in my journal once I got back to my room.
2/3/13 (Sunday)
It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced…So… Apparently Ethan was going to ask me out. When/how, I don't know…I'm just glad he is going to! Also Ethan texted Bill that he wants to slow down physically which is a relief! I just don’t want to do anything else until I know Ethan and I are going to be in a relationship.
Later that day…
So Ethan and I made it official…quite unromantically, which makes it seem like nothings changed. So as of now we are BF & GF and he is taking me out to dinner one weekend, and he wants to slow down physically.
Evening…
So I talked to Ethan… I talked a lot but Ethan was pretty silent, he said he’s been closed recently…with time he will open up. Anyways, talking helped, but I kind of want to run. Just because running is easier than getting close to someone and having them break your heart. Not that Ethan will…but you know what I mean!
How cute am I? No, I was a complete Idiot! God look at me, freaking predicting the inevitable. Remember this: NOTHING lasts forever. It might save your heart, so seriously remember that before you dare entering a relationship. Always protect your heart.
I call myself an idiot because over the years, well, my hearts been torn out, ripped, sliced, stomped on, and just plain shot through. It’s been hell trying to put all the pieces back together, so you would assume I wouldn’t dare let my heart be open to that again. I thought the same thing, but what sucked was you had no control over feeling something for someone.
Things were awkward and strained to say the least between Ethan and I after having been to…what third base? Or second base? Well, everyone has different definitions of the bases so…I guess that doesn’t help. But hey! I can’t be the blame since he offered.
So being the brilliant person I was, I invited him to play soccer with Debra, Daniel and I after classes on Wednesday. I figured that maybe having fun outside the bedroom would help. I mean, I would prefer it… well, prefer was a bit strong, I won’t lie that the other stuff was exciting… but yes I agreed on slowing down.
Playing soccer was quite entertaining. Ethan sucked. Not going to lie. But it was…cute. Daniel was a pro at soccer and watching Ethan try to even keep up was adorable. Daniel had magic feet as he did all these tricks, weaving in and out between us all and scoring.
Though, Ethan did have this one good moment. I was in goal, and Ethan was trying to shoot, and I blocked it, but hell it hurt. But I didn’t realize the pain until the adrenaline of the game was over.
I used this opportunity to get closer to Ethan. I limped because well it really did hurt to walk on. Ethan sped up because I could barley keep up while walking at a normal pace, and I used that opportunity to link arms with Ethan. The best part was Ethan agreed to play again with us! It meant we could spend time together and have fun memories.
The next day I went to dinner with Ethan and Bill. It was a nice dinner, for someone with an eating disorder, that is.
I admit to having an eating disorder. It's anorexia. I restrict on eating and I would drink lots of coffee or take laxatives. I don’t take laxatives anymore. I do restrict though. I’ve restricted for two and a half years now. I was just in denial up until now, until I met Ethan.
Both of them didn’t quite understand it. I didn’t expect them to. In fact, I barely understood it at the time. But I had two slices of pizza and then they made me an ice cream float. I don’t believe that night I actually felt guilty for it, which was a good thing.
Walking back to the dorms, Ethan and I stopped in the convenience store, which was on the first floor of the dorms right before you hit the courtyard. Entering, Ethan and I saw a Twix bar and he bought it so he could pull it out when things got awkward.
I hugged Ethan before we parted ways, and I bumped into Steve, and called Ethan back so I could introduce them.
“Steve, this is my boyfriend Ethan,” I practically squealed.
“Boyfriend? Nice to meet you,” Steve said holding out his hand.
Steve said boyfriend in a questioning way because ironically a couple nights before I met Ethan I told Steve I never wanted to date or be in a relationship or I wouldn’t be in one for a long time because I had lost faith in guys.
Things were going great as of late. Ethan and I were awesome, awkward, but awesome. Classes were going smoothly. Friends, better than ever. First time in my life where everything seemed to be going my way.
There will be more explanation on the Anorexia, just wait.
XOXO Anna